A CASE OF OBSESSION

 

The following is given with Miss Dresser's introduction: The experience recorded below has touched me more deeply than I can well express. A. H. was my play mate as a child, and my companion in girlhood. She was particularly bright and attractive, but her lack of reverence and the absence of anything like spirituality, had not then appeared to the degree that was manifested later. The record gives the rest of the story.

 

"We will bring some one to talk to you. Whom do you wish?" 'Oh, some of my old friends.'

 

"We think the old ones will suit your mood tonight. Whom shall it be?"

'Some one I can quarrel with. How about Mr. S——, or Dr. B— —? I used to have many discussions with them in the way I refer to as 'quarreling'.'

Sis naturally expected one or both these old friends, as it is usual for them to bring the one for whom we ask. Then this was written:—

"I am here. Who am I? I am not the ones you asked for, but am one of your oldest friends, who might pick a quarrel with you if you are looking for variety."

Entirely in the dark as to who this was, Sis asked:—

'Did I ever quarrel with you?' "Yes, truly you did."

Sis guessed several without success, and then said she could not remember any one who might answer the description.

"You did know me, surely; though I was never sure of your liking me."

Sis asked if it had been in either of several cities in which she had lived, and finally if in her own home town.

"Yes; though you were not there all the time." 'I don't believe I know you.' "You do!"

She guessed several more without success. Then as a last resort, but absolutely unbelieving, she asked if it were A. H., and was astounded when the pencil wrote an emphatic

"Yes!"

'I don't believe it!'

"I am here; and I have found out what was the matter with me. I was possessed by a devil! There now!"

This old friend had died in an insane asylum some years before and Sis could hardly believe that it was she.

"I have been asleep for a long time, and when I waked, it was with horror as I was shown a picture of what I had been. My poor sister! How I hated her! Hate! Hate! Hate! Every one and everything!

"You will not believe any good of me now, I am afraid, but truly, I am my own early self. Never very angelic, never much good, but always hoping I would be good some time." 'When did the obsession begin?'

"I think the beginning was after I went west. I don't know exactly but the influence did not possess me all at once. First I seemed to think unkind thoughts of people. Then I grew to criticising them, saying and thinking hard and ugly things. Then of course I lost the love and respect of the friends I had had. Oh, how that evil spirit must have laughed to see its power over me! From worse to worse I went, until I hated my own dear ones; and I suspect even now I have not been shown my worst.

"I have had a spirit guide, I am told, but this guide could not protect me, because I never looked spiritward. You remember that I was never religious. I never prayed, nor even thought spirit thoughts. I wanted a good time, and many times I succeeded in getting them. I would not go to church; many things in church seemed funny to me instead of serious. Oh, I can see it all now, and how this natural disposition made it difficult for my own guide to reach me. How could it be otherwise, when I made fun of all religious thought? Then, as my guide could not protect me, the evil spirit saw the open way to my life, to my inner consciousness, and by degrees took possession. I did not recognize the evil, and so became an easy victim.

"But now you must believe in me and in the change. I did not feel sure of anything except my own rage at life and everyone connected with it. But I'll try now to make amends for some of the things.

"But, oh, how easy it is to be good here where there is no physical weakness, where there is no discord, where love is the law of life! I never knew what heaven was like. If only the ministers would tell their people of the love and thoughtfulness here, of the naturalness of this life, with its continuous unbroken kindness—and no Hell, except what we make for ourselves, the world would be saved.

"Why don't you tell them?"

'You mean the public?'

 

"Yes. Why not?"

'They have been told many times, but they will not believe.'

"No! Is that so? Well, I suppose they will have to be born again before they can know the reality of this life."

'It seems so. Most people do not seem to want to hear about it.'

"Well, we must wait, then, until they come here. We can help a little, can we not?"

'Do you wish to help?'

"Yes! I want to help!"

'Do you know Dee?'

"Yes, and she is lovely. She was the one who kept the secret from you until I was ready to talk. I could not express myself at first. But she knew, and waited for me to be ready. We are so glad of her presence. But how you must miss her!"

'We do. But we know there are many compensations. Have you seen your father and mother?'

"They are here with me, and the happiest people I ever saw. We are together now, and though I will be in this circle, my home will be with them.

"We go now. Love and love and more love, in place of that old hatred. Oh, how could that have been!"

'Do they not tell you to forget all that?"

"Yes, they do. But it haunts me,—I mean the memory of it,— yet. I can never be obsessed again, that I know. I realize their power and I know their black deeds. Besides, I am so filled with all the kind and loving thought and service that I see about me, that I could not harbor an evil thought. And this is heaven! A heaven as far beyond what I imagined as the stars are above the sea."

 

Later she wrote again:—

 

"I am here again, dear friend, and more glad than you can imagine that I may come. I never realized that heaven was so dear. Why! It is like a perfectly beautiful, natural life on earth,—if earthly people could ever attain such goodness and beauty! I always wanted to be beautiful, and never realized before, that while we are still on earth, we may be creating beauty that will last into eternity. I am not beautiful yet,—don't think that! Too much of the old selfishness left. But I will get rid of it, I know I will! How could I remain selfish, with such surrounding love and unselfishness? Why can't earth people know what is here?"

 

'You might answer that question. They will not seek that life, or try to know its conditions.'

 

"I know, for I was one of them." And again:—

 

"I wish I could give you some idea of the beauty of this life. I never dreamed it could be so different from earth life, and yet so natural. It is perhaps the human life, with the wrong-doing and wrong-thinking eliminated, and all the pure, good and kindly nature left. I never understood it while on earth, and I am wondering now how I can make others understand. If the world could know, if it could realize, all would be well and sin forever discarded."

'Mary and Dee are trying to spread the truth.'

"Yes, they are. But the trouble is, they reach only those who are already good and kind."

'The others will not listen.'

"That is the trouble. Unkind thought, cruel thought and action, nearly kill the soul;—strangle it, I guess, so it cannot ever influence the life."

'What are you trying to do there?'

"I am hoping to be a teacher of some sort, I don't know just how. Probably to help those who come over unprepared, even as I was helped. But I am not ready for that yet."

'Do you remember N. W.?'

"Yes, and I have seen her. She is a wonderful spirit, pure white all the way through."

'Do you mean that metaphorically?'

"Yes, both ways; because the spirit shows externally here, and a white soul will have a pure external;—not always white, but a shining and beautiful garment. We wish you could see Mary and Dee. They are lovely in dress as in soul, for the outer garment here is sure to express the inner nature."

'Mary has been described to us as dressed in silvery white?'

"She is often dressed in that way; and your Dee has most wonderful garments. A Parisian dressmaker would be enchanted. But he would try in vain to reproduce such beauty. It is the soul that shines through, and the life that expresses itself in the outer garment.

"I haven't much of a wardrobe yet. I'll hope for a white dress by the time you come."

'What color have you now?'

"A mixed color; some white, but other colors mixed in. I have not overcome my mortal faults or thoughts entirely. But I am trying,—I am!"

'What do the men wear?'

"They wear a sort of flowing robe, like the classic robes of the Greeks, I think, a little, and these take on the colors of the character too."

Some months later:—

"Here I am again, you see. For Mary lets me come when you are writing because she knows how dear the earth words are to me yet."

'What are you doing now?'

"Studying of course. I'll have to study for a long time before I can begin to help others much. But I do see how each and every one begins their beautiful life here, just by kindness and constant thoughtfulness for others. Never a selfish thought. Think of it! And I was so selfish!"

'Your sister says you were not.'

"No, that is her love. I was selfish. But I did not realize how terribly I had developed that characteristic. It begins so gradually, so in little things, and grows and grows, until like a horrid weed, it crowds out every kindly sentiment. I know it now, and that is how I came to fall into obsession. If I had lived differently I could have resisted the malicious influence."

Some weeks later we were looking over the above record, and Sis asked if A. H. were there.

"We will call her."

After a few moments her hand and arm were almost violently shaken and it was some moments before it was quiet enough to write. There was evident much excitement behind the influence.

 

"I am here, and so glad to be called, I could not write quietly."

 

Sis spoke of our thought to use her experiences, and asked if it would be all right.

 

"Yes, of course! Do let me help somebody now, if possible. I was such a drag on my sister that I want to help any way and all ways."

'Are you happy?'

"Yes, happier than I ever believed could be possible. I do not quite know how to explain it; but think of a body that is never sick, never tired, and more full of life and pleasure than in the brightest hours on earth. Then imagine, if you can, the perfect peace and affection and unselfishness which are the laws of life here. Then imagine new studies, new opportunities, new surprises, all delightful ones, and a general companionship that fulfills every law of friendship. Then try to be sad or selfish, if you can! I can't! Even with the remnants of my old human temper."

 

There was little hesitancy on Sis's part as to whether she would write more. But the pencil went on:—

 

"May I write a little more?"

'Why, bless your heart! Certainly!'

"It seems so good to come to my earth friends." 'What are you doing by this time?'

"Studying, I guess, only it seems like play, it is so easy. Oh, you don't know yet the ease with which we can advance in learning. We are supposed to have left our brains in the coffin along with our bodies. But something has taken the place, and of such infinite improvement, I cannot describe it. Only there is no effort in acquiring knowledge:—you just want it, and it comes! You will never know a thousandth part of this life, for all the pages and pages and pages that have been written, until you come. Then, oh, then! Happiness and more happiness.

"Well, never mind anything more now. I know you are ready to have me go. Good bye."